Bouncing Neutrinos

Now to talk about one of the most interesting topic of all, that is of the innate

consciousness that you’ve done something wrong.

Interesting since its something I am confident all of us have had experienced - and I

believe with similar conviction that all of us experience in the present and likewise in the

future. I for example, whenever I would cheat in quizzes and exams would have the sensation

as if I am carrying an 8-pound-weight in my bowels because I know I have done something

wrong. And I am not alone in saying that I am unique in this sense, all of us - or at least

everyone I know of - have experienced the same sensation which henceforth I will label as

"guilt".

It is a curious thing this feeling of guilt is. Since the consciousness of percieving error

is not isolated to ourselves but also with what we think of the actions other people do; or

simply: if we can sense guilt inside us we can likewise percieve that a person is "guilt-y".

Curious, because it’s something every human being posses, - not that I am saying I have

knowledge of every single human being in the planet, which would be a stupid declaration -

but rather since guilt has a basic appeal in itself much like breathing and eating.

Humans being social creatures are dominated by this knowledge of guilt - inside them or

coming from other people. And distinctly interwoven with this statement is that human beings

have the knowledge of what is right and what is wrong, since how would they know guilt if

not for knowing right or wrong in the first place? Take my Kuya for example, he would say

that he doesn’t believe that there is an actual right or wrong rather that there is only

this vast expanse of gray area - but this is that same Kuya that if I ate his chocolate from

the fridge would say: ‘Oy! Ang daya mo! Akin ‘yan!’ (’Hey! You cheat! That was mine!), now

then, where would he get that if everything’s all gray? My point being, the very same man

who says he does not believe in right or wrong would just as easily say ‘That’s unfair!’ as

anyone would.

Yet some would argue that we could just have acquired this ‘innate’ knowledge of right and

wrong from our ancestors through trial-and-error from what they’ve done before. But how then

could our ancestors have known these things to pass on the future generations if they did

not in the first place felt it -through what I stated earlier as the state of ‘guilt’ - that

something is right and something is wrong. Or in other words if I got you confused: ‘If we

acquired this from our ancestors, where did our ancestors acquire it?’

From apes? Other than I think macroevolution is illogical -and I am a Philippine Science

alumni- and is not the point of this discourse. But I doubt it anyone from congress would

hire an ape from Manila Zoo to tell everyone in the legislative what is the right and wrong

thing to do in the political crises of our country.

The point I am trying to say is that personally deep inside of us we have this aching for

people around us to do unto us what we expect them to do, and that is what we think is

‘right’ and for them not to do what we think is ‘wrong’. I doubt it any sane person would

want to be punched by everyone that sees him, I know I wouldn’t.

But the catch is this: humans can opt to do whatever he wants to do, whether if it is right

or wrong. Be completely honest here, have you perfectly practiced what you expected from

other people today? this week? this month? last year? I know I haven’t.

A human being can choose to do whatever he wants and is capable to do. But eventually we

would have to face the consequences of whatever action we performed. And this is one of the

fundamental core of civilization: crime and punishment. If a murderer gets caught he would

verily be punished by other people and would most probably go to jail for it.

If we carry our own share of fury in the wrong things we see, -say the Vizconde massacre

case years ago wherein virtually every Filipino wanted to wring Hubert Webb’s neck -

shouldn’t humans then exist only to do what is ‘right’? But I know everyone would share with

me the ‘guilt’ that this is not the case. So the question remains: where did this knowledge

of right and wrong came from?

Aliens? Since obviously only an intelligence of superior caliber could’ve convicted humans

to act towards right and wrong as we do now. But the same question would still apply: ‘Where

did these aliens aquire it?’ (or if aliens exist, where did they come from? are they

bothering about this same question then?). It is also obvious that only intelligence could

make such a thing as ‘right and wrong’ to exist - and it does exist as I explained in my

‘kuya’ analogy earlier. Yet this intelligence should not be subject to this circular

question of persistence, so then this intelligence becomes The Intelligence where right and

wrong is acquired.

So then we are aware with the knowledge of right and wrong, that whenever doing the wrong

thing is involved punishment always come. If humans as I stated earlier SHOULD just do the

right things YET we know this is NOT the case. If because we know right and wrong, when we

are furious at a person who wrongs us and angrier still if the same person continues to do

so, what then could be the reaction of THE Intelligence where we got the consciousness of

right and wrong in the first place - The Intelligence that obviously expects us to do only

the right things? Wrathful? Think about it.

Emotions can never be trusted. Strong surges of random urges swelling inside you,
sometimes even giving you the feeling as if you are about to explode.

Or at least that’s how I feel…

As usual I am only seen as a friend and as a brother.

It always was like that; the moment I start to have feelings for a person I begin
to sense that it isn’t mutual…

Part of me wants to pursue it, to crash and burn. But experience taught me that I would
only be charred and consumed.

The better portion is telling me to just bury the hatchet. At least, for the meantime.
Since to be honest, it still isn’t the time to think of these things. In the end I would
just be cheating to myself and of course to her.

Nevertheless, it is a painful realization: to have feelings for a person who reserves hers
for another. Misplaced jealousy is after all the worst kind of jealousy, it leaves a
similar kind of pain but you only have yourself to blame.

But then again, you cannot see the logic
in blaming yourself unless you would rationalize that the attraction you have for
the person was forcibly imputed by your will, which you know isn’t the case.

Attraction comes naturally. And for my case was sparked by just how sweet she
is, how she seems to genuinely care for me. To be acknowledged after all gives a most
special and wonderful feeling.

But love is different in the sense that it transcends feelings.
It is binding even in its faintest form. It’s what keeps
some married people continuing their vows perfectly even if the passion of youth
puffed out already, a fact the secular mindset forever changed.

Love is not a once in a lifetime moment - like what we see in the movies.
When the flame of romance is not felt anymore, it doesn’t mean that what endued in the
relationship did not involve love, but of course this doesn’t also mean that IT DID
involve love. Love then is something that is palpable in how lasting the relationship is.

And I desire to feel love; to love, and to be loved. But to be honest with myself, I know
that I wouldn’t feel it; give it, and have it… right now.

And indeed the heart is decietful above all things. And I praise my Maker for the head is
above it.

So I guess, what I am doing is wrong and the thoughts I am entertaining leads me only into
a deep whirlpool of envy and lust. I am going against the proper season for things to
take place. But I am continually changed, and perhaps this vessel that I am now would
be shattered, yet shaped anew to become something better.